She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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