my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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