I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
