He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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