why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
