What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
