I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
