His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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