tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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