oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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