You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize