According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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