I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
