porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
