I am midnight drunk by noon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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