As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
