2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The air was thick with penises
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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