I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
