can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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