i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
