if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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