have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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