in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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