he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
