My room smells like vodka and shame
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
