I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
worst night to have a conscience
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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