member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
