my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
