i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
