so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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