whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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