Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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