bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
