Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
