Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
