I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She bit a glass in half.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
