Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
