at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
