Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Girls should come with a carfax report
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize