i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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