If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize