I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
