She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
