I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She bit a glass in half.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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