Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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