Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
