Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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