it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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