So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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