Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
