Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
