I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
