I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Terrible idea I love it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
