just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
