I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
