Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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