well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
