Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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