My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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