I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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