if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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