Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sext me about skeletons
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
