All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
