Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize