I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
