The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
