just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
