my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
