DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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