And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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