You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
