This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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