Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
