just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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