after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
