i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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