Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
